tracy's pointe: another little neck of the woods

Miss Josie Growing Up

tracyd — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 15:51:59 -0400

As ever, this child continues to be one of my favorite kids. I've had the pleasure of knowing Miss Josie through cyberspace! What a dollbaby. As I see each photo, I smile with my heart. Thank you so much Suzie; for sharing your little one....

When I Reach The Place I'm Goin'...

tracyd — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 09:44:07 -0400

When I reach the place I'm goin', I will surely know my way. And I will turn and look inside me, and bid farewell to one more day.

Every life begins with darkness; every flower was once a seed. And with the sun and wind to test us, we are bound to be released.

I will fly beyond this valley. I will open up the gate. And when I reach the place I'm goin', I will surely know my way.

We have hands to hold our sorrow. We have tears to heal the pain. And though your eyes ask many questions, on your lips I hear my name.

I was born without a whisper. I was born beneath the rain. But, when I reach the place I'm goin', I will surely know my way.

(Wynonna Judd)

Hello There!

tracyd — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 11:39:31 -0400

Update: I mentioned that I have a new category over on my sidebar. I have changed the title, though I failed to mention the title to you in the first place. Welcome to: "Waypoints For Mental Wellness".

Hello All ~

The knees continue to be a mess; and unfortunately, the specialist I started with last year is quite conservative about doing surgery on me because of my age and my weight.

So the deal is, I began the synthetic shots last Thursday, and have had quite a miserable reaction to them. They are produced with chicken fat; and, no, I am not allergic to chicken or feathers of any kind. But, my legs have been stiff and swollen, and I have been so unable to walk normally, that I finally bought some Benadryl a couple nights ago just to see if some of the problem might subside. Sure enough, the stuff worked; at least enough for me to walk more normally, though I am still really sore in my calves and my thighs.

This is not good. I am scheduled for an MRI on my left knee on Friday. This is because for the past couple months I have really had a tough time with the left knee locking and sharp pains in the bend, etc. This. Is. Not. Good. I phoned the doctor's office yesterday morning and left word with him that I refuse to continue with the shots. I received a call back from the office, to find that he would not want me to continue the shots; so, I didn't have to be so abrupt in my message to him. It's just that I'm really suffering dammit; and I'm tired of all the misery at this point. I will have the MRI with this doctor because I am in mid-stream right now, and then I will make an appointment with him to talk about the results of the MRI. If he still resists doing more for me, I will start over yet again, searching for another specialist who will not wish to continue letting me suffer.

In other news, my job is great! I am networking and doing lots of speaking engagements in which I share the goals of our program, and tell some of my personal story of survival in managing my own mental health diagnosis. Spiritually I feel good; if I could only get better physically now.

The book project I am working on along with the 6 other people across the state who were also chosen, is going well. I will be doing my interviews and sharing on July 18th, in Charlottesville, VA. This is a big deal for my life, and I hope it all continues smoothly and serves the purpose for which it is intended.

On my sidebar over there to your right, I have created a new category! I will be listing places and people that will serve as good resources for those folks who are managing mental health issues. Take a gander, and feel free to share with those you know who have a diagnosis, or simply questions regarding resources. Also, if you have a family member or friends who you know might benefit from these links, please let them know. Some of the people I have already listed, are pioneers of the wellness and recovery models that are being used today in our mental health systems across the country.

Have a great day, and know I've missed my writing here. Hopefully, I'll get into shape soon, and spend more regular time at the ole' "Pointe".

Oh, and I love strawberries!!

Oops

tracyd — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 22:26:08 -0400

* This is a cute tale; but it must be realized that Christian people are just that--people. Christians are not beyond cursing, anger, and frustration. It is only the self-righteous, so-called Christian people who make these kinds of issues such a hoot; and a crying shame as well. A truely good person doesn't need a damn bumper sticker to help them along in proving themselves. A life well-lived with humility, is much more believable to me.

A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard.
Suddenly, the light turned yellow just in front of him. He did the right thing;
stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beat the red light by
accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn. She was screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection; dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face
of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.
He took her to the police station where she was searched; finger-printed; photographed,
and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell
and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting
officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He looked at her and said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the "What Would Jesus Do?" bumper sticker; the "Choose Life" license plate holder; the "Follow Me to Sunday-School" bumper sticker; and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally, I just assumed you had stolen the car."

Fathers

tracyd — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 17:46:03 -0400

Father's day will never be the same for me again; since my sweet grandfather, who WAS my father, died in 1980 at the age of 79. I love you papa...dearly!

Sam is a wonderful man. He has made a great husband and a great foster daddy to the girls, as well as all the other foster kids who came and went from our lives; as some of them stayed for a few weeks or just during holidays.

Sam loved his own father very much and held him in high regard. When he lost his dad at too young an age for them both, he felt he'd lost his best friend. Though I was not fortunate enough to know my husband's father, I honor him and all the stories I've heard about him. I know Sam thinks about his dad more than he speaks of him. It's just his way...

My grandfather was the only real father I ever really had in this life. I was 19 years old when he died. He died in June of 80, and I turned 20 in December of that same year. That's the thing about growing up with your grandparents as parents, they die way too soon for you to have to lose them. I miss papa so much after all these years. He never leaves my memory...

My own biological father claims a lot. He claims to have loved me. He claims to love me now. He claims to be a strong man of great will power. He speaks as though he is right up there with God, he does. BUT, my biological father brought nothing to my life but pain. I have nothing to remember him for as there was never much context between the two of us. The only thing I did receive from my biological father was my gabby personality. And, in some ways I'm glad for that part....on good days.

Yes, I love you my papa. I love you forever and a day. I know I will see you again. I believe it to be so. I am always, Your "Birdie".

Happy Father's Day!

Yay For Tom

tracyd — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 14:32:50 -0400

Finally!! An icon of the news industry speaks out against the dirty ways the media has handled the news and discussions on Hillary Clinton! There is a God after all...

Tom addresses the exact frustrations myself and so many thousands of other american citizens have been feeling. I know this because american people everywhere have spoken about the issues; and, I definitely know how I have been feeling. Old school though he may be, this country stands to learn a great deal from great american icons such as Tom, who have reported the issues in a news worthy manner in years past! Also, back in the day, the biases were not quite so obvious among news people as they most certainly are now.

Lately, I'm feeling there is very little that we as ameicans honor anymore; collectively speaking, of course.

Hillary Rodham Clinton

tracyd — Sat, 07 Jun 2008 13:13:00 -0400

A woman of grace.

A woman of pride in family.

A woman who knows the meaning of what she says, and who says what she means.

A woman of humility.

A woman of class.

A woman of outstanding character.

A woman who tried to shake every hand while on her campain trail.

A daughter; a mother; a sister; a wife; and a friend to so many.

A woman who won the support of 18 million American voters.

A woman I love...

Presently, Out Of Town

tracyd — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 23:32:28 -0400

Yep. I'm doggie-sitting for my aunt's lab. as she attends my baby cousin's highschool graduation. I'll have to catch up yet again when I arrive home; due to the fact that my poor aunt's space for working on the computer is tight at best. It's difficult to explain, but I am not in a most comfortable position to either write or read at present.

It seems I'm always behind anymore...time moves swiftly, and there are never enough hours in a day.

My radiator hose in the blazer busted all to hell today. It was probably already leaking a bit. Sometime last week, I smelled strange odors within my vehicle and I asked someone about them then and there. But, the guy felt that it was nothing. (I do know that I'm not supposed to begin a sentence with a "but"---uuum, another thought just came--- no, I must go on) Sam worked a lot last week and I'm not even sure if I mentioned it to him. Anyways, here I be, in another part of Virginia; waiting for my uncle to arrive home on Monday night. He will fix the thing on Tuesday, at which time I will be on my way back home again having missed a meeting at work and two, not one, but 2 doctor's appointments.

Aaaah life is just full of living.

Talk to ya' from my computer soon. Peace...

On Voting

tracyd — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 19:18:56 -0400

It's all winding down within the democratic party of this country; and soon we who are democrats will have a democratic nominee who will face the general election in November.

If Mr. Obama wins this nomination for the party, and that looks to be the case at present, then...

My vote will not count. As it will be with thousands of of other voters, my concerns and opinions regarding the upcoming election will be null and void.

I will not vote for Barack Obama for president of these United States. Likewise, I will not vote for John McCain. I will be writing in my vote on election day, and my vote will neither be considered, nor will it count for squat. At this point, my vote does not matter one way or another. This is how we do things here in America. In other words, my not voting for Barack Obama will not keep him from winning the election any more than my voting for him will cause him to win.

Soooo, I have the right as a citizen of this country to write in my vote on election day; and that is exactly what I intend to do. I will still exercise my right to bitch and moan about what goes on in this country as well. Afterall, I intend to cast my vote in good conscience. I will stand behind whom and what I believe.

If Barack does indeed secure the nomination for the democratic party, I would not be voting in good conscience if I were to vote for him. You can give me heck if ya' wanna', but what I am saying here and now is no different than what I've been reading from others here in the blogsphere, and who are liberal democrats, commenting that they will not vote for Hillary Clinton even if it means they would have to cast their vote for McCain instead.

I have been reading over and over on many different blogsites, the expressions of our democrats everywhere regarding this crucial time in our country; and in the life of the democratic party. The common bond we share is that we all want to see something different. We want to see something change. We want and need our hope back as citizens. The way we view things may be totally different, but we can all agree on these simple truths, I think.

I am just so not ready to put my faith and heart into a man I know very little about. And, what little I do know about Obama, is shady at best. If he is elected, and turns out to be a really fine president whom we can all love and trust, I will say I was wrong about him; and I will shout hallelujah to the rooftops I will.

What it all boils down to in a nutshell, is that it matters not whether you are liberal, wet-the-bed liberal, or something in between. If the super delegates decide someone is going to become the nominee for president of the United States of America, then that someone is exactly who will be the nominee for the democratic party.

That is all I have to say on voting in this country. Feel free to comment and discuss your thoughts. As always, they are welcomed here.

*PS. I obviously watched the news today; though it was on my list of things not to do--in regard to my previous article.

Pretend It's Friday

tracyd — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 04:59:28 -0400

I grabbed this from Typical Momma; who grabbed it from Kazoofus; who seems to have gotten wind of the fun from Cursing Mama. Why the heck not? There's always room for reflection...

What was I doing 10 years ago?

Ten years ago, my husband and I were involved in an extensive and intense training for several weeks, in order to become foster parents. We were also preparing our home to receive children.

Five things on my to-do list for today:
1) Do not watch the news.
2) Finish projects in new home office.
3) Place ad in paper to inform the public about our new support group sponsored by the program I manage.
4) Schedule appointments for meetings this week.
5) Again, do not watch the news.
My favorite snacks:
Presently, I enjoy Jello's sugar-free rice pudding; Utz no-salt potato chips; Planters lightly salted mixed nuts; (shut up) and, light (with half the fat) Edy's Grand Gourmet Caramel Swirl ice cream
If I were a billionaire what would I do?
I would donate a huge amount of money to St. Jude's Childrens' Hospital; The Children's Miracle Network; our United States Veterans; a transportation system for mental health consumers in this area...I would also purchase Sam a brand spanking new truck of his choice, fully loaded; myself, a brand spanking new Honda, Toyota, or Subaru of choice, fully loaded. Purchase a new modular home for this very piece of land we sit on now; and travel, travel, travel!
Places I’ve lived:
Crumpler, West Virginia; Huntington, and Charleston, West Virginia; Cleveland, Ohio; Gallipolis, Ohio; Marietta, Ohio; Cambridge, Ohio; and two cities in Virginia, including where I live now.
Jobs I’ve had:

At 15 years old, I babysat on a regular basis, until I graduated from highschool in 1979.

Newspaper Office--copy work; from 1979 to 1981.

I worked in several different areas of my college campus; and had a variety of jobs there, from 1981-85.

Speech/Language Pathologist from 1986 to 1990.

Other jobs include, Pre-school Handicapped Cooordinator; Receptionist; Hotel Desk Clerk; Secretary; Substitute Teacher; Foster Parent; Wife; Homemaker...and now, "Turning Point" Manager for mental health consumer services.

You Must Not Miss Even One Segment Of This Man's Performance! If So, You've Missed A Real Treat...

tracyd — Sat, 31 May 2008 04:53:45 -0400

* Update: Allow a minute or so for each YouTube Segment in this link to load, so that you can be sure to watch each one.

Unbelievable Talent Here! Scroll on down for each video. Allow yourself this enjoyment.

Lies

tracyd — Tue, 27 May 2008 22:14:18 -0400

I read someplace on a blog that Hillary lied. Hmmmm...

In the history of our human race, I have never known anyone in my life who has never told a lie; even if the lie was one of those, "well I said it to keep trouble down" kind of lies. I am sure that Hillary Clinton is no different than all the rest of our human race. I cannot pin-point Hillary's lies down to the very detail of them; because, well, I am not looking to send the woman off to hell in a hand-basket.

I do believe Hillary may be feeling quite desperate as a woman running for office; and now, as a minority in the eyes of the media and others. She has worked her whole life toward her place in the white house as president of these United States of America. Wow. A woman sitting in the oval office! Who would have thought it could be possible? But, is it possible?

We have always had a man in the oval office behind the big desk, but never a woman. True, we have also never hired a black man for this high office. But, in my eyes, Mr. Obama certainly does not represent the fine black history that is threaded richly into the woven fabric of this country; as many would like to claim. It would be so cool to me, if he had worked all his life toward becoming president, and I'd learned all about him early on. It would be cool to me if he represented the black people I have known in my own life, and those hard-working black men who helped form this country by the sweat of their brows. That would be cool to me...but, he truely does not represent those people. He hasn't even gone to where some of those people exist. The streets of Chicago are not the only source of challenge for this country; and they are certainly not the most memorable streets in all of black history. Some of my very good black friends would be the first to say the same. They have said the same to me. The facts are the facts....

Oh, and the thing about Hillary lying? Uuum, Mr. Obama lies as well; either that or he doesn't know one European township from the next. And maybe when he was sitting with his former pastor for meals on many occasions, the discussion never came up about God damning America. Yeah, I'm sure that's it...Obama just never heard about those strong sermons his former pastor so often offered; the pastor who performed the wedding ceremony for Mr. Obama and his bride.... the same pastor who baptised Mr. Obama's baby daughters. Sure, that's it. Those sermons and that kind of mind set just never came up....sure.

The Birthday Of My Nana Potts

tracyd — Mon, 26 May 2008 16:00:40 -0400

On May 26th, in the year 1916, an angel was born to Rasmus and Sally Mahady, in their coal-mining camp home of Crumpler, WV.

She spelled her title "Nana" most of the time; though my cousins and I were quick to call her "Nanny" in all our southern glory. Somewhere along the way, I added "Potts".

You are no longer here with me my sweet; but your spirit is threaded through every fiber of my being. I remember your ways, your thoughts, your testimony of survival...I remember all that made you who you were while you were here with me; with our family.

I believe in you, and that you still live...because I know we never really die just because the heart stops beating within these temples we fill. We leave this place. Who am I to think that all there is, or ever will be of hope, is only what we see in our little here and now? I know better, and so I don't think such things at all. And though I don't know what it is that holds you, or just where it is you are now, I do know there is a somewhere.... beyond what this finite brain can comprehend. I am humbled enough through the living part to know this much, at least.

Happy Birthday, Angel Of Mine! I love you always...Your Tracy

She always leaned to watch for us,
Anxious if we were late,
In winter by the window,
In summer by the gate;

And though we mocked her tenderly,
Who had such foolish care,
The long way home would seem more safe
Because she waited there.

Her thoughts were all so full of us --
She never could forget!
And so I think that where she is
She must be watching yet... (anonymous)

Home

tracyd — Mon, 26 May 2008 08:00:00 -0400

So glad to be home!

My experience in the little town of Brattleboro, Vermont was unique; and the foothills of Vermont were a different kind of lovely from these Blue Ridge mountains of home. There is no way to really define the way I feel about the differences, except to use the already used too often cliche', "there's no place like home."

The flight from Charlotte, NC. to Harford, CT. was most interesting. Of course since I hadn't been on a plane in 40 years, I was reacting to the whole thing like a kid in a toy store. Wish you had been there to share in the pure joy I was feeling as I sat glued to the window at take-off. You may have laughed at my excitement, but I was so thrilled that I wouldn't have cared.

A 75-year old gentleman was sitting next to me. He was talking. It didn't matter whether I would listen. He seemed to be reassuring himself as he gave a blow by blow description of each technical thing that was happening with the plane as we glided down the runway for take-off. At first I was okay with it; until he continued talking even after we were in the air...about the pressure in his ears, and things like that. I was kind; but feeling a little distraught and disappointed because I wanted so much to just sit there glued to my little window in silence. I made it through though; as I listened politely to this man who had served our country during the Korean war. He had been on many planes so it was not anything new for him...still, it seemed he really had to talk himself through the flight. I couldn't help but wonder about the many possibilities of things he had been through during the war...

I took pictures, and as soon as I get settled into being home again, I will post some of them.

I arrived home yesterday at around 5pm. or so. The drive to and from Charlotte is 2 hours. It seems so ridiculous that I was actually on the road for this trip longer than I was in the air. Last week when we landed in Hartford, I still had to drive another hour and 30 minutes into Brattleboro. And of course, yesterday I made the same trip back into Hartford. My rental car for the week was a 2008 Mitsubishi Galant. Would not have one if you gave it to me! Hated that car for too many reasons to mention.

The flight back to Charlotte yesterday was much more peaceful than my flight into Hartford last week. My neighbor was quiet and the whole experience was quite serene. The flight attendants changed my seat before I got on the plane, because I was wheeled into the plane (the knees are all to hell, you know; and my carry-on weighed every bit of 40 lbs.) and they didn't want me to have to sit way in the back. However, when I left Charlotte last week, I did have a back end seat, and managed fine. Anyway, I made sure to tell them, "It's okay if you want to move me; but, just make sure I'm still sitting by a window." Don't worry dear; you'll still have your window seat." Aaaah...I was fine and dandy.

More about the historical Brattleboro, Vermont later...I'm playing with all my babies for now. But, I surely am grateful to be reconnected with the world of technology. I had no access to any computer all week. I began to shake and tremble from the whole thing!

Bound For Vermont!

tracyd — Sat, 17 May 2008 22:29:03 -0400

Well, it's 10:20pm. and by now I had every intention of being sound asleep. Pfft. Fat chance of that for me!

I will drive 2 hours to the airport in the morning; leaving here by 7am., to check my bags and do the security thing by 9:30am. (I'm allowing an extra half hour there for stopping to pee or whatever) and then sit and have coffee until I board my plane at 11am. or so...

One of my huge wishes in life has always been to travel the New England states. I won't actually see much of Vermont; except for the little town of 12,000 people where I will reside for a week in a lovely historical hotel. Oh, and the town sits on a nuclear power plant. Wouldn't ya' know it? I am pretty certain that most of the folks in Vermont are rooting for our one and only Senator Obama; so, as soon as he makes it to the big desk, he'll get right on that one. Pfft.

My life of blogging for two years with all of you, has certainly been an enriching experience for me. I like telling you that ever so often. No, I am not thinking of anything morbid or ominous tonight. Not. At. All. I just want ya' to know, I look forward to being in touch when I return from yet another job training adventure in the great state of Vermont; as I probably will not have much time, and maybe no access to the internet. Not sure, but you can bet if I do, I will be in touch here sooner than Saturday evening when I shall arrive home again.

Peace out!

Life Isn't Nearly As Difficult As We Sometimes Make It Out To Be

tracyd — Sat, 17 May 2008 00:08:56 -0400

* Update: I read the words of Ms. Mikkelson (in my link) incorrectly when I initially published this article. Corrections made now...I really just wanted to share the poems, as I think of how very lucky I am these days...

Now, I have really bad days sometimes; as I'm certain you probably do as well. But just for a minute, can we imagine tending to some of the same everyday mental stressors we deal with, while still doing the major necessary chores in these ways?

I know for a fact that my grandmother did scrub her children's clothing with a washboard, until her fingers would bleed; just as Lorretta's song tells us the way things were for the lives of people from the hollers. My grandfather worked the dark coal mines 34 years. It was very difficult work; and he made very little money to support his family. He used to bite into chunks of coal, whenever he would feel such pain he couldn't cope well, while at work in those mines. I honestly do not believe the people who lived through the years of the Great Depression have fond memories of their struggles to survive. They may tell the stories in that light, in order to satisfy the longing of those who wish to hear...

Most of the actual memories of those who would tell the stories, were more harsh than the stories they told; as Barbara Mikkelson expresses at the bottom of the page in the link.

Our lives are not nearly as difficult today...We can learn a lot from the wisdom and strength of those who have lived before us, and made their way to ripe old ages before they died; knowing that they had really lived their lives.

McDowell County, West Virginia

tracyd — Thu, 15 May 2008 18:12:58 -0400

Hi guys! I was really excited when I received these cool videos of yesteryear from an old highschool friend.

This town is Gary, WV. and it is one of the towns in the county that folks from back home call the lower end of the county where I grew up. I suppose that was because any place on Rt. 52, (which is a main route that runs south of Bluefield, WV.) and continuing on south without turning up and then backtracking into the hollers, was thought of as lower end. Those holler roads led up into other mountain roads which led into other counties; and we always referred to those as the upper end of McDowell County--heh. I think it's kind of funny because as you will see, there are potentially lots of lower and upper end roads all over the county! And even in the so-called lower end of McDowell County, there are plenty of connections into other counties there as well.

These are really some of the best postcard photographs I have seen from down home. which really brought back some great memories of my time growing up in the coalfields; though most of these photographs were taken before my time there.

I wanted to share them with you; my blogging buds.

This one is a compilation of places in the town of Northfork, WV. (in between the lower and upper ends of the county) where I attended senior highschool.

And this, is Welch, WV. ( also lower end) where our county courthouse and other offices were located. As you can see, the major hospitals that served the people of the county, were also located in Welch. The county offices are still in Welch today as far as I know. Steven's Clinic and Grace hopitals have long since closed their doors. The Welch hospital is still in operation for now. Part II of the photos of Welch are also something else! Many of the spots in all these photos are so familiar to me, because many of the old buildings and railroad crossings were still around long after I left home to go to college.

I'm not too proud to tell you that when I viewed all these treasured places, chills ran up my spine. It was a good life there when I was growing back in the 60s and 70s. Businesses were booming because all the mines were in operation, and most every family there had at least one, if not more members of the family who worked full time.

One of these days I will find some great photographs of some of the upper ends (in the hollers of the county of McDowell; such as the town of Crumpler, WV. where I lived and played as a child.

Old Dogs, Fences, And Nit-Picking People

tracyd — Tue, 13 May 2008 10:02:53 -0400

**Update in response to an article I just read here in the blogshere at 3:30pm: Yes, Hillary voted for the war in Iraq; as did others, when given the wrong information!! Yes, she forgave her husband, the father of her only child whom she so obviously loves; which took more guts for her to do, than for her to leave. It was nobody's business but her own! Not every woman handles her situation the same, and it's a low blow to kick a person for making the decision to stay, or to go, when a spouse has been unfaithful in marriage. It is simply nobody's damn business regarding the marital choices the Clintons made. Yes, she stood with her husband while he was in office!! As for the big oil companies, you have absolutely no idea who all has bitten from that apple! Prove to me that Hillary knew all things about the oil companies, and all about her brother's dealings. Better yet, prove to me that YOU know first-hand. And, prove to me that YOU know the content of her heart, and that she intended for her comment about hard-working white american people to be a racial slur, and I will be the first to tell you that you were right. You compared the woman to well-known racists because of the statement she made in her speech a few days ago. Is that all ya' got? Because that is just bull! You stated that other racists already know Obama is a black man before Hillary made mention of the hard-working white citizens of our country. My question to you is, are you aware that Mr. Obama is also a white man? WTF? Can we not regard hard-working white americans just as we speak of hard-working black americans, without being called racists? She was simply referring to the people who were listening to her. Let me remind you that one of the greatest black poets of our country has endorsed the woman in her candidacy.

The things you said is what I believe to be the kind of nit-picking that creates the racial divide in the first damned place. I would be interested to know how many black americans you have known or called friend...ya' gotta' live it to tell about it dude!

Disclaimer: I'm not in a great mood regarding the presidential campaign. Most of my ranting is geared toward the media for making themselves so transparent and obvious; to anyone with a brain who is watching and listening.

Sam has built a fenced in area off our little back porch. We've put in a doggie door, so that my old puppy dogs will have the freedom to come in and out of the house as they please through the day, while Sam and I are at our respective places of employment. My beloved husband finished the project yesterday when he built the steps for Jesse and Bentley to walk down from the porch into their huge ~~poop pen~~ play area. This is a great relief for me; as I can no longer ask my 71 year old mother to accomodate me with the daily care of our animals whenever I have to be out of town or have really long work days. So far, our two poodles, and Mr. Pickle, (the cat our daughter abandoned and left with me) are quite perplexed by the whole new experience. The doggie door baffles them; especially baffled, are the dogs! It's funny as hell to bribe them to the door with a treat, only to have them stop and stare at the new outlet. I've been pushing their little asses on through for several days now....I leave for Vermont on Sunday--heh. We'll see.

Ah, politics! Well, I have no intention of spending my days glued to the news on politics any more! People either love Hillary Clinton, or they hate her. I am beginning to believe there is no in between. The race for the nomination between our two democratic candidates is so totally decided by all in the media. Never mind that the two ran an extremely tight race all along; as has been revealed by the never-ending poles.

There are people who have decided they do not want Hillary in the white house; and some of the reasoning I hear is, "I do not want Bill in the white house again." Why are people not willing to allow Hillary to have her own voice? Why do they not hear that most everything Mr. Obama speaks in regard to what is best for this country, is repetitive of what Hillary Clinton has spoken time and time again?

There are actually people who would call me a racist if I don't vote for Mr. Obama; the same as there are people who would say that the only reason I want to vote for Hillary Clinton, is that I am a middle-aged woman who wants to see another middle-aged woman in office. Neither statement could be further from the truth.

Every single cough or sneeze Hillary makes is dissected, while Obama keeps coming out of the dirt smelling like a rose. People tend to overlook him on every count. But, because Hillary has been in the white house with her husband, and her appeal happens to sit with middle-aged feminists, and blue collar workers of this country, some see her as out-dated; yesterday's news; not worthy of her womanhood, even! Discrimination at its finest!!

I shared the following thoughts with another blogger friend a few days ago: IF Mr. Obama is all he says he is when he speaks to us, then yes, he could possibly be another John F. Kennedy. That word IF, is the factor; is this not so? We NEED and are starving for a good president who will come in and deliver what he/she promised to deliver. We are starving for a commander and chief who will clean up the mess made by this administration, and others before...We love and want to hear fresh news, new blood, new hope. Well, pardon my pessimism; but there is too little that can be done in 4 or 8 years, by either candidate, that will change the course of our nation toward the positive any time soon. But, we NEED something, some change; so we look for a savior in the new and most arrogant man on campus! Pfft. Just this morning on MSNBC, Obama's campaign manager responded, "Well of course we will work with her", when asked "Would Mr. Obama be able to work with Hillary upon winning the nomination?"

My feeling is that Obama won't win this race in the general; and I cannot imagine tolerating McCain for the next 4 years. So, my choice is and has always been for Hillary. She is a woman with a mind of her own. Bill does not own her. She is a woman who KNOWS how to decipher what goes on in DC. She is a woman who believes that "It takes a village" to raise a child; and as well, to calm a country that is in dire need of calming! She is a woman of great faith; who exhibits a survivor's strength through the very worst of times in her personal life. She is one of the first people to come up with a universal health care policy for all free americans. I'd like to see her have an opportunity to carry through with the ideas she has worked for all these years.

Consider this article, and if you think about what you read, it shows Mr. Obama's concern for politics overrides his concern for the common people in this country. So don't tell me about the Clinton's political agendas over the years, and how Hillary has no compassion or concern for anything besides winning the game in politics. Don't tell me, unless you are willing to attach every other person who is or ever was involved in the political arena, to such a statement. I say this because there is not one, not one single person involved in politics, who has not compromised his/her ethics, and focused on their own agenda at some point; just as Mr. Obama will do in years to come.

Good God, I'm Busy!!

tracyd — Fri, 02 May 2008 17:49:33 -0400

This time last year, I was not this busy! At least, I cannot remember being this busy...

I'm in the midst of making all the planning arrangements for a trip to Vermont which is to take place on May 18th. I am going to Brattleboro for a week's worth of training to become a facilitator of Mary Ellen Copeland's Wellness Recovery Action Plan.

I've always wanted to travel all the New England states; so my little trip to Brattleboro, Vermont is a start at least...I need the break! If you read the whole link on Brattleboro, you'll see some pretty interesting facts; one, which I found to be very intriguing, was the January 2008 petition for the indictment of president Bush and vice president, Cheney...

Lots of stuff going on around here all at once. I can't elaborate on much at present because I need to grab a nap before I head back into town tonight to play "Deal Or No Deal" for our Relay for Life walk this weekend. Of course, it is a most certain fact that I cannot walk, as I did in years past. But, I will be participating in other affairs for the relay this year....

Gonna' get some shots in the knees again before the doctor actually schedules me for knee replacements. He knows my suffering. He also knows I won't suffer much longer before I start throwing things at him. Soooooo, I think he is resolved to doing the surgery for me...more on that later.

I want you guys to know, I have been reading your blogs to keep up with you. I would be lost if I couldn't check in with y'all all the time. However, I haven't taken time to comment the way I usually like to when I read. Doesn't mean I'm not there, and it doesn't mean I'm not delighted with some of the news you're sharing about your lives and your kids, and jobs and such. Peace out, my blogging buds!!! (((Hugs)))

Whither Thou Goest...

tracyd — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 10:39:24 -0400

In the name of all that is sacred in life, I have never seen such loyalty as this.

"Whither thou goest, I will go..." (book of Ruth; 1: 16-18)

The Washington Insiders

tracyd — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 12:24:11 -0400

It's been astonishing for me to hear about the insurmountable amounts of money pouring into Barrack Obama's campaign these days. That people would offer their financial support so freely to a man whom they know very little about frightens me; to say the least.

When Al Gore won the popular vote in the presidential election of 2000, and had to hand his probable win (had the state of Florida counted for something) over to the man who is now our commander and chief, the first thing that came to my mind was, "Washington insiders." It was sad for me to see a man who had worked for something his whole life, robbed of his rightful place in the oval office.

Presently, we are watching two people of the same party racing hard for the white house. Both share almost all the same views regarding what our country needs to survive the mess made by the present administration. The difference in the two? For me, the answer is quite simple. Hillary Clinton has worked her whole life towards this one goal. I'd never heard much about Obama before the campaigning began last year; which also leads me to reason why he has sung so many of the same refrains as the well-known Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. The fact that Barrack seems to be in agreement with most everything Hillary has spoken of in policy, also seems curious to me.

And yet, money continues to flow in Obama's direction....

Barrack Obama has recently begun to hit below the belt in his campain speeches; a thing that had previously distinguished him from all others, according to some people. It's so funny to me that he called Hillary a "Washington insider". I can't help but wonder what he thinks he will be if and when he actually takes office in DC. Or, is it safe to say he is already moving in the general direction of all other Washington insiders? In regard to this link, I'd like to add food for thought: Hillary wasn't the one who ran the ad, y'all. It was fair game in this race for the white house, for her to use the information.

Obama is not anything special folks; and he's not anything new!!

These Are The Kinds Of Things Our President Has Been Offering Since The Beginning Of The War

tracyd — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 22:41:18 -0400

Hi Folks ~ Below is an exact copy of a form letter I received today from our own representative Boucher. Thanks to George W., we continue to lose the important funding needed most in this country at present. Below Mr. Boucher's response to the people of Virginia, is the letter which many of our mental health consumers throughout the state, signed and sent to Mr. Boucher's office. Perhaps you want to read that letter first, and then scroll back to Mr. Boucher's response. This original format would not allow me to copy and paste the letters in proper order here, for some reason unknown to me...

April 16th marked the year anniversary of the tragic murders at the Virginia Tech. campus in Blacksburg, Virginia. Really smart move George; to cut funding for the mentally ill.

I am blessed with coverage for my medical needs, under my husband's insurance policy; however, so many people who suffer with very severe illnesses and/or substance abuse problems, do not have insurance coverage; except that which they manage to have through medicaid. Many of these people would love to work, but are not in a position to work at this time. Many may never be able to work a public job. What indeed should we do with these people? New programs are beginning, in order that we may keep people like Cho (who murdered the Tech. students and faculty members) from slipping through the cracks. With these enormous cuts in funding, the mental health systems in this state, and across the country will never be able to see them through properly.

Thanks to our "let's go get 'em boys" president, the United States Embassy building which was recently completed in Iraq, houses an olympic-sized swimming pool for the embassy guys and gals who may be there for the next hundred years or so.....and they only need upwards of $35 million per year, to pay the security people they will hire to watch over them so they may swim in safety.

Here are the letters:

Congress of the United States

House of Representatives

Rick Boucher

9th District, Virginia

April 18, 2008

Thank you for contacting me to express your support for increased funding for federal programs which provide mental health care services.

I appreciate your taking the time to write, and I assure you that I share your views.

You and I agree on the importance of ensuring access to mental health care services in underserved and rural communities like Southwest Virginia. Throughout my service in Congress, I have strongly supported measures to provide rural hospitals and mental health professionals with subsidies and funding opportunities to improve access in rural areas like Southwest Virginia.

As you mention, Medicaid provides many essential mental health care services to low-income individuals. Unfortunately, the President’s budget proposal for FY 2009 calls for reductions of $17 billion in Medicaid expenditures over the next five years. You can be assured that I will make every effort to defeat the President’s proposal which would have a devastating effect on the delivery of health care and mental health care services in our region and across the nation.

Ensuring that Southwest Virginians have convenient access to the health care they need, including mental health services, is a high priority of my office.

You can be assured of my continued support for increased federal funding of mental health initiatives as the House of Representatives considers appropriations legislation for FY 2009.

Thank you again for contacting me. With kind regards and best wishes, I remain,

Sincerely,

Rick Boucher, Member of Congress

RB/cd

-----Original Message-----

Representative Rick Boucher

Independence Avenue and 1st Street, SW

Washington, DC 20515-4609

Dear Representative Boucher,

The federal budget should mirror our nation's priorities. Surely one of those is health-security for the most vulnerable in this country, particularly those with or at risk of mental illness. But given a budget that proposes further deep cuts to Medicaid and drastic funding reductions in a wide-range of programs critical to a sound health policy, Congress must reject this plan and substitute new priorities.

I urge that those priorities include fostering health promotion and prevention of mental illness, integration of recovery-focused mental health care with general health care, and behavioral health research.

Regrettably, the President's budget will hurt vulnerable Americans, especially those with mental illnesses. Among its most troubling targets exacerbating earlier reductions -- is the Medicaid program, which currently funds over 50 percent of state and local spending on mental health. On the heels of already-launched regulatory efforts to cut billions in Medicaid services, the budget would shrink Medicaid funding by another $18 billion over five years, and in doing so would further weaken and even destabilize the program. Particularly troublesome are cuts of more than $1 billion in case-management services, a repeal of special protections for children with special needs and Medicare beneficiaries at a "savings" of more than $2 billion, and slashing more than $5 billion in "streamlined" state Medicaid financing. These and other Administration proposals would abandon many low-income Americans who need the critical support Medicaid provides, and would likely induce states to take up even sharper Medicaid reductions as they face an economic downturn. It is the wrong target and would worsen already-building economic problems.

In addition, the Administration's plan seeks to drastically cut funding of a wide range of other federal programs critical to people with or at risk of mental health problems. To illustrate, it slashes by 14% support for the sole federal agency devoted to promoting effective mental health services, the Center for Mental Health Services. Percentages or even dollars don't capture the impact of a budget that would abruptly wipe out or decimate funding for more than 20 highly effective programs ranging from youth suicide prevention to supporting the mental health needs of seniors to ending the use of seclusion and restraints. The impact of the budget plan would be cumulative, though, with cuts to multiple departments and agencies across a wide range of program areas vital to mental health and wellness.

We stand on the threshold of achieving monumental changes in the lives and futures of people with or at risk of mental health problems, but such achievement requires dedicated commitment to areas ranging from research, health promotion, prevention services, public health, workforce development, housing, education, and employment. These must be areas of robust investment, not fiscal retreat.

An Old Favorite, Dedicated To My Life Partner

tracyd — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 06:03:18 -0400

I'm feelin' pretty fine about the husband I chose for my life. In a million years, no man could fill his shoes. He has hung in there with me through the worst times; I've stuck by him as well, but I honestly don't know how my life would have progressed to this point, without Sam's love and support of all I do.

Don't remember if I ever told you all, that the day Sam and I met was November 14, 1992; I was almost 32 years old. Sam was 34. I knew by that time that I hadn't liked a lot of men I'd known through the years; not that I was involved with many, I just watched the men I knew--family members, friends' husbands, and such...

We became engaged on February 4, 1993, and we married on October 16 of the same year. I realize this present month is not related to any of those dates. It's just that every now and then, I am overwhelmed with humility, that I have been blessed with someone as great as this man with whom I share my life!

Love you sweetheart...refer me back here when we are at odds, okay dear? Your answer is, "Yes dear". He knows....

This old favorite, kinda' pulls it all together for me. Or you can listen to this particular version..., Which is new to me--heh.

Just Stuff

tracyd — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 18:28:08 -0400

Oh my gosh! It's April 15th and where have I been? My work is increasing and spring has sprung here in southwest Virginia, and I haven't blogged in a week! I really hadn't blogged much before that last entry either. Lots of stuff going on...

Well, Sir Bentley is doing good; he is taking his medicine like a good doggie, and he seems to be holding his own regarding the heart condition. Miss Jesse is adjusting to the new dog food we have them on; finally! Whew...

Pickle is really just so happy to be here with the doggies. He actually thinks he is the same as they. Lots of funny things go on here between the two dogs and Mr. Pickle. I really should have sent some stuff in to funniest home videos through the years, with these three stooges...Pickle loves Bentley to distraction, and Bentley constantly growls when Pickle comes near, but at the end of the day, those two sleep very close to one another in our bed with us. Sometimes Jesse and Pickle come in contact with each other and they just stop and do a staredown...then the damn cat jumps over her back, turns toward her and starts cleaning her ears. It's just the kind of stuff you really have to see...

I graduated from the Crisis Intervention Training last week, same as the 14 cops who attended all week. It was pretty cool stuff actually. I was able to interact with the officers in a relaxed setting, where I had the opportunity to see them as human. We had a great week together as the staff of our community service board and I, taught the officers some tricks of the trade, in working with those who deal with mental illness everyday of their lives. We all took part in skit activities chosen from real situations that happened with clients in the past. We had a lot of fun and it was all very serious at the same time. Now I can say I have played cards with the cops...woo-hoo! We literally did have a card game going on one of the days. It was a game where everyone playing had a different set of rules to follow. The purpose of the thing was to teach about the many aspects of a variety of different cultures with different socio-economic backgrounds, etc...and we had to do it all without speaking. Damn that was hard for me!

We are having potato soup and corn muffins for dinner tonight. It's a little chilly here today, so I thought soup was a good choice. Of course, I will enjoy the corn muffins. Sam will probably eat a peanut butter sandwich with his soup; or some such silly thing as that.

I am agitated to say the least, regarding our two democratic candidates running hard for their place in the oval office. What concerns me is they both are in agreement on so many of the same issues, and yet they continue digging away at each other. Oh I know, it's politics, and it's about winning the game right now. I just feel the focus needs to be on the seriousness of what we all are facing in this country; and that my friends, is not a game. Guess I'm just tired of it now, and ready to move it up a notch...

I'm trying once again, to organize my computer room. This place has been a real uphill battle for me; mainly because when I start to get things the way I want them to be in here, my beloved husband throws a monkey wrench into the project. Well, it may actually not be a monkey wrench, but my Sam has lots of tools and shit, and he feels comfortable making the computer room his catch-all for stuff quite often. No matter how much I threaten to trash whatever things of his I happen to come across in here, the result is always the same. He's good about it for awhile when I bitch and moan, and then....well, you know the rest of the story...I am back to finding his stuff all over the place again. Sam is anything but an organized individual; and that just makes me crazier than I would be if I didn't take prozac, ya'll!

I mailed a package of newborn clothing to our daughter's friend who had a baby a few months back. I really love shopping for baby stuff, even though I have never shopped for my own baby. I always get such a kick outta' the cool outfits that are out there now for boys, as well as girls. And, the little tiny socks just kill me...

Gonna' go finish adding some touches to dinner I suppose. Tell me how you have been...???

Random Bits And Pieces

tracyd — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 05:54:33 -0400

Hi All. Gotta' get scootin' early this morning, but I wanted to stop by the pointe here, and leave ya' with something of myself. Life's been fragile lately, but I've got all I need to play it forward because I am really so blessed in many ways. So here's some bits and pieces of meself I share,

*Love, love, love the Bigelow Lemon Cream Body Wash from Bath & Body Works! The stuff is light and so softening to the skin.

*I'm on my way this morning to sit in on the crisis intervention training that our service board presents for local law enforcement folks. This is an excellent program toward integrating services for people who exhibit severe mental illnesses, and/or developmental, and substance abuse issues. I will get to listen through the whole teaching/learning experience until week's end when I do my presentation of the program I serve.

*Sam and I have our new metal roof! We love it; and yes, we can hear the rain as it splashes against the rooftop...all over the house. Of course, it doesn't sound as close as with the old metal roofs that were used on housetops from back in the day, but, I do get a sense of that pleasantry when it rains now. I love it!

*CJ. Banks clothing store had a 50% off sale this weekend on every clothing item in the store! What? Did I buy something, you ask? Well now, how could I pass up the opportunity to have a couple really jazzy outfits for work this spring? Well-made clothing priced at 50% off...well of course I bought something!

*My baby cousin will be 18 years old on May 10th. She is at that oh so special place in life, with all that it entails--heh.

*Our daughter is working in the office of a local automobile service department by day; and in a restaurant by night. She wants to do this thing her way, and by god she's making it! I love my "punkie", I do.

*We started the dogs on a new food for adult dogs. It's good stuff for them, but our Jesse had the worst gas the first week of this change in diet. My god, I jumped straight up outta' bed once last week, as Sam lay snickering and telling me I should be on his side of the bed, where Miss Jesse sleeps on her own little bed under Sam's nightstand. Go ahead. I meant for you to LOL...

*Retail therapy is the best!

*My favorite chocolate concoction in life is simply, "no-bake cookies".

*I really don't like all country music, however, I will listen to anything Ms. Dolly Parton puts out there.

*I wish for a fully loaded, leather interior, Honda, Nissan, or Subaru vehicle. Ya' gotta' dream a little...

I hope you have a pleasant week in your little neck of the woods!

Purposely Reflecting

tracyd — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 09:23:05 -0400

As I reflect on the past few days of my life, while on a very real adventure with an illness I manage, I realize that it is mostly through the sorrow and the testing I endure, that my character is built. I am seeing a difference in the way that I cope with any serious issue these days, from the ways I have failed to cope in years past. In this knowing, I can eventually find the calm in the eye of the storm.

However, as we grow in life,----is as we go in life; and the sheer living often becomes the overwhelming task, much more than the figuring we do, or the dramas with which we become involved.

I can’t honestly say that I would always want to be here, if I didn’t believe in a loving form who will welcome me into loving arms somewhere beyond all this. So I live. I write as I always have. I write what I know for the people of my world. The seeds planted well will scatter, and find their own fitting destinations; as it should be.

I have lived it through the years, so I know, that sorrow and joy are akin to one another. We cannot have one without experiencing the other in due season. CS. Lewis so brilliantly stated this in all his writings. And, I believe that it is within this circle of life, this pattern of being, where our souls touch the very essence of the "whys" that we beg for answers to.

As the great author so well stated, we are not always here to be comfortable, or comforted, or to even be loved by others.

And in my own words, we are here to strive; to dream; to believe; we are here to love others in ways that we would like to be loved. We stay because we hope...In purest form; a hope that makes us most worthwhile. We are here to learn and teach, in service to a greater purpose for mankind than just ourselves. The purpose serves us well, and will serve us well in times to come.

As the circle always goes, I wait for the joy to come once again.

Firewalkers

tracyd — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 21:15:11 -0400

I have so much catching up to do here; so much to tell you all. But, I am going to have to hit the sack early tonight because I have a second meeting to attend in far southwest Virginia first thing in the morning. I attended the first of the two meetings today, and only arrived home a couple hours ago. Well, of course I ~~farted around~~ stopped and grabbed a bite of dinner and went to the store as well when I got back into town.

So I will spend more time on an update very soon, when I have rested from these hectic days. However, I could not go to sleep without telling you all my very biggest news of the day!

Remember back when I mentioned that I might have an opportunity to take part in writing a book for mental health in the state of Virginia, and out of 36 applicants I had been chosen as one of 15 finalists? I just received the email that I have been chosen along with 6 other people across the state to write for the book, and do some public speaking near Richmond; the state capitol of our little commonwealth.

I REALLY can't believe this people!!! I am beside myself, needless to say; nervous, anxious, and hopeful that I will contribute something of myself that may touch someone, somewhere, who needs it most.

And, without further ado, I bid you goodnight my blogging buds...

Hopes And Dreams; Philosophy, Opinions, And Scientific Facts

tracyd — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 23:39:11 -0400

Remember, keep your paws off someone else's jelly beans

Some good things come in smaller, sugared packages

The Agnus Dei is the reason Easter came to be. For those who choose to believe the wonder of a man whose only habits involved teaching love and peace to others, and then died for that cause, Easter is not about the candy, or the baskets, or the eggs, or the money generated from these things. We'll dive into the candy and spend our money on some other form of basket all year anyway...Not any of us needed a holiday in order to spend money on things. Not Christmas, or Easter...I respect what people believe or choose not to believe, generally. It's not for me or anyone to say what any of us should or shouldn't believe about anything, and I am certainly in no position to judge others. Uuum, for me...the love and peace thing, and the not judging others, is why I like the guy. We are all so full of our own hopes and dreams, philosophies and opinions, and scientific facts, that it is really neither here nor there what we think we know. I believe more than anything that we all see through a glass darkly, and that the most real thing we will ever do besides the day we came into the world, is the day when we take our last breath. Everything in between is a learning process, full our hopes and dreams, our philosophies and opinions, and our scientific facts; none of which I would want to go through life without.

Cousin Ed

tracyd — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 23:13:37 -0400

Eddie poked fun at me a lot; but it was the kind of teasing that echoed, "I love you" with every chuckle. Ah, the times we had...

Ed was moody quite often but I learned ways of getting around all that, and moved right in for the laughter kill. He and I used to go dancing back in the late 70s when disco clubs were still IT. Of course, he was like dynamite on the dance floor and I was fair, at best; good enough for him to not mind being seen with me, but quirky enough for him to keep a big smile on his charming face.

I used to ask him why he wanted me always to dance whenever we'd go out together..."you really get a kick outta' laughing at me", I'd say. "No, that's not it at all. I think you're so cute", he'd say. Pfft. Then we'd order a drink and sit to tell jokes and talk about our friends, and our family all evening. Ed wasn't quite of age for alcoholic beverages in those days. We went to clubs where teens could go to dance.

The family; ah yes. Ed and I had many discussions about the family. He would always say to me, "there has to be drama...why does there always have to be drama?" Well, I'd just tell him that it is the drama in life and family that keeps things interesting. Uuuum, yeah....

To be sure, whatever discussions my cousin and I had, we always chose laughter and love in the end.

Eddie was my best friend and confidant. We were only 5 years apart in age. I am 47 now, so he would have been 42 yesterday on his birthday; if he were still here with me. I miss him.

Ed moved into an apartment in Cleveland Heights, Ohio one year. It was a house apartment, and he was upstairs. Cape cod style place. I loved Cleveland Heights and I loved hangin' out with my cousin in his pad. He drove an old Volvo station wagon that year. The thing needed a lot of attention, but that old car was the coolest. We laughed our asses off that everytime I drove it, it stalled in the middle of the city street someplace in the Heights between the store and Ed's apartment. Tempermental hunk of metal, she was.

Anyway, I remember when my cousin first moved into his apartment that year. He had been living with my mother in downtown Cleveland previously. Well of course they both needed their own space and it was time for the move. I helped him carry a mattress and boxed springs up the old staircase; you know the kind. You make it up one landing, then there's this small square landing space with a sharp turn for the next set of steps, and no room for navigating larger pieces around the corner in order to finish the project. We were both so exhausted by the time we plopped his mattress and boxed springs on the floor of his bedroom, that we crashed there together and woke up the next morning looking at each other, and laughing; backs killing us, of course. We'd finished the job of getting all the stuff upstairs and it was time to laugh and play again...

Ed and I really, really enjoyed scary movies. The best part of any movie we watched was the fact that we were together. He had a pillow with which to cover his face and scream into, and I just covered my eyes, peeping through my fingers every little bit to see if the worst part was over. Of course when we'd go out to movies together, Ed didn't have his trusty pillow, so he'd just grab my leg in the theater, and it scared the bejeezus right outta' me. Then, I'd shrink down in my seat from the embarrassment of having jumped many feet out of the thing in public, no less.

I have never had such a scary movie partner since. My daughter and I are movie buffs and we enjoyed hundreds of flicks together during her first couple years living with us. We had a great lot of fun as well. Still, the magic of watching a thriller has never been the same without Ed.

Yesterday would have been my cousin's 42nd birthday.

He was visiting friends about 40 minutes away from where I live now, when he crashed his car into another. The best officers could determine is that he'd fallen asleep at the wheel and veered into oncoming 5 am. traffic; as he was on his way back to his former apartment to check on his dog, who he'd brought with him for Easter weekend. Having danced all the night before with friends, he was exhausted. Ed's friends said they tried to get him to sleep awhile before he headed back to take care of his dog that morning because they knew he was tired.

It was Easter Sunday morning, 1994; approximately the same time as sunrise services in little churches across southwest and central Virginia would begin.

No alcohol involved the night before; no drugs whatever! Just a night out dancing with friends at the club...the dancing that Ed and his baby sister had enjoyed all their young lives.

Ed had just signed a lease with my mom again to live in a new apartment in Richmond, Va. He had gotten things settled a bit in Richmond, and decided to come home to see his mother for Easter. Ed brought his dog along and stayed in his former roomate's apartment, 40 minutes from where I sit now. His roomate was out of town that weekend however, and the dog needed to go out....Ed had been out all night doing what he loved best in life. Dancing with friends. But, the dog needed to be taken care of....

And Ed would need to go visit with his mom later that day so they could share Easter dinner together.

There was a planter of yellow flowers found inside the car that afternoon. My dear cousin had puchased them for his mother.

Easter was always my happiest of holidays as a child, because I spent those days with my baby cousins. Spring of the year; colored eggs; the green grasses of home in the coalfields; turkey dinners at our grandmother's table; church bells on Easter Sunday mornings.....storybook stuff really. This is the way I remember those Easters when we were children a hundred years ago.

I have tried to figure "why" to many questions in my mind since Ed's death in '94. There are no sufficient answers really. I especially always wanted to know why Easter Sunday? Why, on a day I had thought of all through the years, as the best holiday time ever for my cousin and I?

Oddly, I still love Easter; BUT, Easter will never be the same again.

March 19th will never be the same again.

Need Some Lovin', Or Help With That Pesky Screen?

tracyd — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 10:44:31 -0400

Hello there, my friends. Just stopping by with a buddy to help out a bit. Have a great day, y'all!