Stolen from my buddy, Spookyrach...many moons ago. Just getting back to it. I tag you!

I am: always trying to improve

I want: an end to the war in Iraq.

I wish: I could travel to England; then Italy.

I hate: Okra...any way ya' fix it! Yuck.

I miss: my cousin Ed; my Grandparents; my best friend from college.

I fear: losing more people from my life; which I realize is a given.

I hear: and do what the little voices in my head tell me to do...ha, ha, hee, hee, ho, ho.

I wonder: what tomorrow will bring.

I regret: not what I've said; not what I've done; instead, I regret any negative way I may have caused someone to feel.

I am not: the center of the universe...shucks

I dance: when no one is watching.

I sing: the body electric...

I cry:  whever I feel the need

I am not always:  happy

I make with my hands: bread; italian meatballs

I write: books

I confuse: myself daily.

I need: more vacation time

I should: finish my master's degree

I start: projects, and sometimes finish them

I finish: everything on my plate at dinner.

Some have it all....

And all have some...

But, the ones' who "get it" are the richest people in the world!

Where to begin...

Uuuum, the kids are still with us. They are progressing nicely; as they have applied for housing, and plan to move as soon as they can.

My aunt (mother's sister) is Whitley's grandmother. We have a history. I can't go into many details here. However, I deal with some things of yesteryear; while I've still worked to maintain a relationship with some folks.

I believe in boundaries; though, in my youth I was never allowed to set my own boundaries, and I wasn't taught about boundaries. Looking back, I don't believe many people from the area realized that children, and people in general have a right to boundaries in their lives. This fact has paved the way for much pain in my life. It's not that I don't understand boundaries now, because I really do. In fact, I know I don't cross boundaries with other people because I don't like for others to do that to me. The pain and frustration comes because I set boundaries for myself now; and some people still don't know how to respect those. It's very difficult, if not near impossible to untrain or retrain other adults to respect my decisions; my feelings; my wants; and, my needs....just basic rules for living my life.

I'm 48 years old. I want to be able to put some things from the past behind me. Sometimes that requires removing oneself from the reminders of the past. It is difficult; but, it is really okay to do this. (for those out there who may be going through the same things) I know that I owe nothing to any living family member today. I have respected my family, and some when they didn't do anything deserving. It is MOST difficult to explain to people about the scars that still exist, when family members change and become better people than they ever were; but the memories in a heart and mind haven't changed....my heart, and my mind, to be specific here.

It isn't enough that I must manage and cope with a chemical imbalance which causes an illness that can often be devastating to one's spirit. Add this to environmental stressors, and other peoples' states of mind, and WHAM!

Damn. If I'm nothing else, I am a survivor. And I'm damned proud of the fact! Hell, I've written my piece in one book already. I've edited other stories for that same book. And, I'm going to embark on a new project soon. I will be helping to create greeting cards for people who feel bad due to depressive disorders....because there aren't any cards out there to cheer in funny and twisted ways on the subject. Also, with the same people, I will assist in writing a childrens' book which will offer a story, or stories, to help children cope with some of the same issues I mention above; and other things regarding a child's right to have a voice early on.

Yeah, the waters get murky and troubled, but I'm hanging in, and holding on. How's your life?

Some of you may remember my writing about my travel to Brattleboro, Vermont last spring. (if you read the whole note of information from Wikipedia, you'll learn that the people of Brattleboro, and the whole state of Vermont for that matter, are not fond of the now former Bush administration. Another of the many things I loved about Vermont) I went there to work, study, and become certified to facilitate a class in self-awareness and self-advocacy for mental health consumers.

So far, I have almost completed one class that I began facilitating in November. These classes can range from eight to twelve weeks. Monday, I began with a new group in another of our catchement areas.

At some point, if and when this program can be reimbursed through medicaid, I will be able to facilitate (btw, we can't say teach even thought that's what I'm doing) these classes with any group of people even outside of our mental health system here.

Yesterday I took a group of our folks to visit at a local nursing home. We gave out valentines to everyone there. It was a pleasant morning. Community integration at work...

My cousin is doing well. Applications for housing have been made for this young couple. Classes checked into...moving right along here.

My mom's birthday is valentine's day. I always bake a lemon cake with lemon frosting, and I always put the little candy message hearts all over the thing. My mother will be 72; though she doesn't look a day over 60 to me. We will celebrate and have our cake and eat it too.

This spring I'll be back to traveling for workshops and conferences. I'm so looking forward to the mini breaks from the routines here on the homefront. No matter what we learn, and in fact the more that we learn, we realize there is so much more we need...at least it's that way with most of us; except for those select individuals who have arrived--heh.

Happy Wednesday y'all...

Don't know why I've let this thing eat at me so....someone else's cruelty. A cruelty to which I won't have to answer. The result will not affect me in the longrun. For almost two years now it has bothered me.

It simply amazes me when those who cry for justice and righteousness on behalf of our soldiers, and other people with whom they are not directly involved, dish out the most cunning of all cruelty: their inability to care how their behaviors, and their attitudes regarding those behaviors, will affect a person with whom they've had contact directly.

Perhaps it's in part due to some twisted out-of-sight, out-of-mind notion they justify in their own hearts. I suppose they may be thinking that the stuff they dish out is not far-reaching or could not be grasped...

...not through cyberspace

...not through insinuations

...not through a direct discussion with others

...or could it be they just don't give a damn? No, not those who cry for justice and righteousness on behalf of so many...they have to give a damn, right?

I won't think on this another second. Because the result of what's been said and done will not affect me at all in the longrun. And that's freedom at its' finest.