I have so much catching up to do here; so much to tell you all. But, I am going to have to hit the sack early tonight because I have a second meeting to attend in far southwest Virginia first thing in the morning. I attended the first of the two meetings today, and only arrived home a couple hours ago. Well, of course I farted around stopped and grabbed a bite of dinner and went to the store as well when I got back into town.

So I will spend more time on an update very soon, when I have rested from these hectic days. However, I could not go to sleep without telling you all my very biggest news of the day!

Remember back when I mentioned that I might have an opportunity to take part in writing a book for mental health in the state of Virginia, and out of 36 applicants I had been chosen as one of 15 finalists? I just received the email that I have been chosen along with 6 other people across the state to write for the book, and do some public speaking near Richmond; the state capitol of our little commonwealth.

I REALLY can't believe this people!!! I am beside myself, needless to say; nervous, anxious, and hopeful that I will contribute something of myself that may touch someone, somewhere, who needs it most.

And, without further ado, I bid you goodnight my blogging buds...

Remember, keep your paws off someone else's jelly beans

Some good things come in smaller, sugared packages

The Agnus Dei is the reason Easter came to be. For those who choose to believe the wonder of a man whose only habits involved teaching love and peace to others, and then died for that cause, Easter is not about the candy, or the baskets, or the eggs, or the money generated from these things. We'll dive into the candy and spend our money on some other form of basket all year anyway...Not any of us needed a holiday in order to spend money on things. Not Christmas, or Easter...I respect what people believe or choose not to believe, generally. It's not for me or anyone to say what any of us should or shouldn't believe about anything, and I am certainly in no position to judge others. Uuum, for me...the love and peace thing, and the not judging others, is why I like the guy. We are all so full of our own hopes and dreams, philosophies and opinions, and scientific facts, that it is really neither here nor there what we think we know. I believe more than anything that we all see through a glass darkly, and that the most real thing we will ever do besides the day we came into the world, is the day when we take our last breath. Everything in between is a learning process, full our hopes and dreams, our philosophies and opinions, and our scientific facts; none of which I would want to go through life without.

Eddie poked fun at me a lot; but it was the kind of teasing that echoed, "I love you" with every chuckle. Ah, the times we had...

Ed was moody quite often but I learned ways of getting around all that, and moved right in for the laughter kill. He and I used to go dancing back in the late 70s when disco clubs were still IT. Of course, he was like dynamite on the dance floor and I was fair, at best; good enough for him to not mind being seen with me, but quirky enough for him to keep a big smile on his charming face.

I used to ask him why he wanted me always to dance whenever we'd go out together..."you really get a kick outta' laughing at me", I'd say. "No, that's not it at all. I think you're so cute", he'd say. Pfft. Then we'd order a drink and sit to tell jokes and talk about our friends, and our family all evening. Ed wasn't quite of age for alcoholic beverages in those days. We went to clubs where teens could go to dance.

The family; ah yes. Ed and I had many discussions about the family. He would always say to me, "there has to be drama...why does there always have to be drama?" Well, I'd just tell him that it is the drama in life and family that keeps things interesting. Uuuum, yeah....

To be sure, whatever discussions my cousin and I had, we always chose laughter and love in the end.

Eddie was my best friend and confidant. We were only 5 years apart in age. I am 47 now, so he would have been 42 yesterday on his birthday; if he were still here with me. I miss him.

Ed moved into an apartment in Cleveland Heights, Ohio one year. It was a house apartment, and he was upstairs. Cape cod style place. I loved Cleveland Heights and I loved hangin' out with my cousin in his pad. He drove an old Volvo station wagon that year. The thing needed a lot of attention, but that old car was the coolest. We laughed our asses off that everytime I drove it, it stalled in the middle of the city street someplace in the Heights between the store and Ed's apartment. Tempermental hunk of metal, she was.

Anyway, I remember when my cousin first moved into his apartment that year. He had been living with my mother in downtown Cleveland previously. Well of course they both needed their own space and it was time for the move. I helped him carry a mattress and boxed springs up the old staircase; you know the kind. You make it up one landing, then there's this small square landing space with a sharp turn for the next set of steps, and no room for navigating larger pieces around the corner in order to finish the project. We were both so exhausted by the time we plopped his mattress and boxed springs on the floor of his bedroom, that we crashed there together and woke up the next morning looking at each other, and laughing; backs killing us, of course. We'd finished the job of getting all the stuff upstairs and it was time to laugh and play again...

Ed and I really, really enjoyed scary movies. The best part of any movie we watched was the fact that we were together. He had a pillow with which to cover his face and scream into, and I just covered my eyes, peeping through my fingers every little bit to see if the worst part was over. Of course when we'd go out to movies together, Ed didn't have his trusty pillow, so he'd just grab my leg in the theater, and it scared the bejeezus right outta' me. Then, I'd shrink down in my seat from the embarrassment of having jumped many feet out of the thing in public, no less.

I have never had such a scary movie partner since. My daughter and I are movie buffs and we enjoyed hundreds of flicks together during her first couple years living with us. We had a great lot of fun as well. Still, the magic of watching a thriller has never been the same without Ed.

Yesterday would have been my cousin's 42nd birthday.

He was visiting friends about 40 minutes away from where I live now, when he crashed his car into another. The best officers could determine is that he'd fallen asleep at the wheel and veered into oncoming 5 am. traffic; as he was on his way back to his former apartment to check on his dog, who he'd brought with him for Easter weekend. Having danced all the night before with friends, he was exhausted. Ed's friends said they tried to get him to sleep awhile before he headed back to take care of his dog that morning because they knew he was tired.

It was Easter Sunday morning, 1994; approximately the same time as sunrise services in little churches across southwest and central Virginia would begin.

No alcohol involved the night before; no drugs whatever! Just a night out dancing with friends at the club...the dancing that Ed and his baby sister had enjoyed all their young lives.

Ed had just signed a lease with my mom again to live in a new apartment in Richmond, Va. He had gotten things settled a bit in Richmond, and decided to come home to see his mother for Easter. Ed brought his dog along and stayed in his former roomate's apartment, 40 minutes from where I sit now. His roomate was out of town that weekend however, and the dog needed to go out....Ed had been out all night doing what he loved best in life. Dancing with friends. But, the dog needed to be taken care of....

And Ed would need to go visit with his mom later that day so they could share Easter dinner together.

There was a planter of yellow flowers found inside the car that afternoon. My dear cousin had puchased them for his mother.

Easter was always my happiest of holidays as a child, because I spent those days with my baby cousins. Spring of the year; colored eggs; the green grasses of home in the coalfields; turkey dinners at our grandmother's table; church bells on Easter Sunday mornings.....storybook stuff really. This is the way I remember those Easters when we were children a hundred years ago.

I have tried to figure "why" to many questions in my mind since Ed's death in '94. There are no sufficient answers really. I especially always wanted to know why Easter Sunday? Why, on a day I had thought of all through the years, as the best holiday time ever for my cousin and I?

Oddly, I still love Easter; BUT, Easter will never be the same again.

March 19th will never be the same again.

*ERIN--Where the wind has a sound like a soft sweet song, and anyone can hum it; and the heather grows upon the hills, and shamrock not far from it.  (Author Unknown)

*St. Patrick's Day is an enchanted time--A day to begin transforming winter's dreams into summer's magic.  (Adrienne Cook)

*Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four food groups: Alcohol, Caffeine, Sugar, and Fat!  (Alex Levine)

*There are 4 things you must never do:  Lie; Steal; Cheat, or Drink. But, if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And, if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away.  (Brian Kelly Darragh)

Would someone please explain THIS to me???????

Obama loves his former pastor as an uncle figure and will not repudiate him as a man.

Obama denounces his former pastor's political views which date back to 9/11/2001.

Obama did not know his pastor's views until he (Mr. Obama) began to campaign last year for the office of commander and chief of this country; uummmm...*cough*, 6 years after two separate sermons were given by his beloved pastor.

Did Obama not attend his church often enough to know of such things before a year ago? Evidently, he missed both the sermons of 2001 and 2003 which has caused such great controversy for Mr. Obama now in 2008. I don't know about any of you, but I was involved in church all of my young life, and I'll tell ya' this, whenever I wasn't in church, I still heard all about the sermon. Always.

Hmmmmm....I suppose he just never contacted the pastor with whom he felt such great affection, the pastor who officiated his wedding and baptized Mr. Obama's daughters; until of course, today, when Mr. Obama DENOUNCED the words of the man who baptized his children and spoke of the Lord from the Holy Gospels. Uuum, Mr. Obama denounced Rev. Wright's words, BUT, he will not repudiate him as a man. Heh--pfft....

What the hell is a Trinity United Church of Christ, anyway?

Can anybody help me here??????

I caught on to this blogging in record time after my step-sister introduced me to the blogsphere. As I've stated more times than not, I am ever grateful to her for that; because through this experience, I have made some wonderful connections with very decent, intelligent, and insightful people. You folks, including my step-sister and her husband, have given me new perspspectives on so many things. I have spent time with you and have enjoyed opening myself up to a wonderful bunch of folks. I feel good about blogging and making wonderful new friends from all different places; some places I have only dreamed of, such as, Pureland Mountain in Japan. I haven't the words to tell you all how much it means to have you as part of my day here in my world.   

"So what's with the title to this entry?", you may wonder. What indeed. This past weekend, I was browsing through the blogsphere by titles of blogs and such, and I happed upon a blog in which the title was a curious thing to me, so I dove into something I never anticipated outside of a setting such as MySpace, etc. At least I didn't expect to read about such dirty laundry aired to the degree in which this blogwriter exploits himself and his family, along with his ex-wife and her family, in a tangled web of tales he shares.

WOW!

My thoughts have been spiraling in different directions about this particular blogsite I landed in. It was one of those things like reading a trash novel for fluff, that you realize is trash, and yet, you're glued to the thing to find out what's next. Don't tell me you haven't been there because if you say that, you are clearly not being honest with yourself or me.

I'll not link to this place because: 1) I can say honestly in my humble opinion, it is not worth your time, and I don't want the link on my site. I kept waiting for some relief for these people; a relief I never felt. You know how you want to get something for your time invested in reading material, even if you know it's fluff? All I got from the thing was a couple's shaky diagnosis of the man's ex-wife with no possibility of mercy for the woman or for themselves. It was sad to me. And I am amazed to read such things from adult individuals with children for whom they are responsible. I kept asking myself, "who do they think is ill?" 2) I don't want to even be known or referred to as "the person who stumbled upon ...............".

I read blogs where people share strong political views, spiritual views, philosphies other than my own; and I even enjoy reading the blogs of moms or dads who love their kids, who share their ups and downs of divorce, step-children, or married life in general. I enjoy awesome storytellers and photographers. I'm always up for a great new recipe as well. This is what blogging is all about for me.

I am an adult whose parents divorced when I was a year old. I have witnessed others of my family suffer through divorce as well. I know it's not a pretty picture. In fact, I know it hurts everyone involved.

The blog I found this weekend was bizarre at best. It doesn't offer anything positive and it does not focus on what to do for the person who is deemed by amateurs to be mentally ill. I know enough about mental illness to know that the bloggers are full of bologna (with a y, is the way I say it) when sharing that the reason for their blog is to help other people who are going through the same things as they, and to help others know more about the disorder they speak of there. If these folks truely cared for the mentally ill, they would be doing something more positive to help their own situation, and the other people involved; namely the children. I honestly can't see any good coming from all that I read. It makes me sad to know that there are people who seek to perpetuate very real problems, rather than seeking to be part of the solution.

Please don't misunderstand me here; I am fully aware that the blogshere is a place for all of us, any of us, to share our feelings, our convictions, and our rants in life. I do it. I have told you here of specific little happenings that left me hurt, agitated, or at the very least, baffled. We all do this. This is a wonderful venue for expression; and each of us in our own unique ways, express ourselves on our blogs. BUT, Jeez oh pizza! There is such a thing as self-respect and pride. I'm talkin' about the good kind of pride, and not that kind that makes us fall to the pavement.

Okay. I have a couple mental health diagnoses. I battle my demons, and when they rear their ugly faces, I work fervently to manage my responsibilities to myself and others. Mental health is not something to be taken lightly. Good mental health is something we all desire and should work towards. Always. Not one of us is exempt from mental illness. Not. One. Of. Us. 

I just happened to read about a person who calls himself an upstanding and responsible human being, wishing horribly negative things on the mother of his children, and slamming the woman's family all to hell. I had to wonder what is wrong with him. What is his illness? Where does he stand in all of this turmoil? I'm sorry, but I just don't see the blogsphere as the place to do meaness to others; especially if the others really do have some kind of major illness that hasn't been addressed in their lives.

I'm not saying that people who have mental illnesses do not have to be responsible. Not at all. In fact, reponsibility is at the core of wellness and recovery from any illness, mental or physical. Responsibility needs to be mutual by all. And, of course, not every mental illness is the same, as not all people are the same. It is what we do with what we have that makes the difference. It is the responsibility one takes for him or herself that makes the difference. In the case I read about this weekend, and I know there is no real way to determine a whole story from a blog anyway, it seems that no person in the whole sordid saga was showing true responsibility. So it was just ugly to me all the way around.

When someone stirs in troubled waters by airing nasty mean things about another, it just makes for more troubled waters. If someone goes to the trouble of creating a whole blog around their emotions toward another person, they may be enjoying their misery more than they'd like for people to know. I can't help but wonder, when I read such things about people's lives, what they would be like, what they would write about, if their sore spots were suddenly removed from them. I think when blogging becomes a place of revenge, instead of simply sharing some aspects of life; a bit of wit and wisdom with friends and loved ones, perhaps the reason for blogging at all should be evaluated, and the people who seek to destroy are in as much need of serious help as the person they say is ill with something or other.

This probably sounds too weird; and it acutally is. I don't mean to place blame on, nor defend anyone who writes. It is none of my business what is behind anyone else's reasoning for why they blog. I choose my friends here for various reasons. I either have some things in common with you, or I totally enjoy your writing style, or your kids, or I love hearing stories about Japan..... But, I definitely would not choose to read a blog regularly that is more like a Peyton Place than a creative outlet for the soul. I know why I blog. I have been journaling for years and years. It is not new to me. This is one of a few creative ways for me to release energy. Writing helps me to focus on my own thoughts, my needs and wants; and I enjoy the hell out of sharing with others I respect and admire. I'm not perfect and I have a lot of regrets in life, but this blogging is so healthy for me and I am proud (in the good way) for the reasons I choose to be here.

This sinus infection is for shit! I just ordered some homeopathic diddys that I've been wanting to try. If the stuff works, I'm mixing it all together and carrying it with me in a flask wherever I go.

Next week, I'll be spending 3 days in the northern part of our commonwealth; a conference on new perspectives in emergency care that focuses on change, recovery, and you guessed it, wellness.

I must be well for this adventure. I mean it wouldn't be right to put the bells on my shoes for this change, recovery and wellness conference, and lack the energy it would take for me to jingle them!

I am sitting here at my computer at 1:29am. because my head pounds when I lie down to rest. I hope this is not gonna' be another all-nighter.

When are we gonna' get the laser wands that we can use at home already?