You know, I have been contemplating several things regarding 2007. Sam and I went through some very rough days.

Sam has had to work a lot of overtime hours at the plastics corporation where he is employed. He is tired and weary.

We thought we would lose our little Bentley this past year. We came close to having him put to sleep because of his suffering.

Sam had to experience the fears of having a biopsy done because the doctor found a polyp on his prostrate. Sam doesn't tolerate doctors or hospitals well at all.

The arthritis in both my knees has left me close to crippled; yes I mean crippled as in unable to walk, since June of 2007. I finally had to leave my sweet job at the hotel which was 5 minutes from home.

I was in a process of grieving for several months over our daughter. She left home angrily very close to the time I had another blow from someone I care about. Vic was angry with herself more than with me or Sam. I don't know for sure who the other person was angry with most. Loss is loss; and no matter what the circumstances are at any given time, loss hurts tremendously.

But, as I reflect upon 2007, I realize I have done the best I could for where I was at any given moment in time. 2007 wasn't much different than other years where I faced great challenges, losses, and temendous pain. We live. We go on and plunge into whatever life hands us. If we choose to, we survive. I have always chosen to survive thus far. I choose survival because I believe in hope. I'm always looking for something better to happen just around the corner. And you know what? Something always does surprise me that way. Living with a depressive disorder is hell. There is often no sound or reasonable explanation for why I feel sad or miserable. Unless one has actually been through the hell, they have no fucking idea how it feels. None whatever.

Sometimes when I write an entry, as I told you in an earlier post, it is therapeutic for me. The problem with those times for me, is that I tend to go on about a thing that I could easily sum up in just a few words. I chalk it all up to my mellow-dramatic mood issues; and I have decided that it's all good regardless. "Whatever", I say. Life is all good even on those occasions when it feels like everything just stinks.

This time of year is difficult for me; as I am certain it is difficult for many others as well. But, I feel such peace right now. It feels great to know I have come far enough in life to sometimes be able to say that when weird feelings set in, and really, really mean it. Thank you God.

I am so excited to dive into my job! I will be doing a powerpoint presentation on January 16, of the 2-week training I received at the grand hotel and conference center. I am already thinking about what I will share with the group at our meeting. My job is starting out very part-time. I may have mentioned this already, I can't remember. Things are starting slowly because this is all brand new for my community service board. I am to help build a program from the ground up. That's scary! But, something inside is beckoning me to go with this thing. I believe some very good things will happen in my own life because I am choosing to do this. Mental health in this country is going to be taking a major turn. Finally, finally, we will be focusing more on wellness and recovery than on keeping people stabalized on medicine and saying that's the best they can hope for. Some of the most intelligent people on the planet have mental health issues; the same as so many have blue eyes, or brown hair. Damn straight.

So, I bid you all a very happy 2008. Stay healthy. Prosper. Dance and sing whenever you can. Know that you all have made a wonderful impact on my days.